He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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