The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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