Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
