Where did you get a picture of my penis
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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