How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
