Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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