nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
