the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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