are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
