So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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