I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
