btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
