Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
