some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
