Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
