i would punch a child for taco bell
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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