I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
