Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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