if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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