When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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