I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
