I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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