Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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