i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
