____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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