it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He told me they were just razor bumps!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
