all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
