when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am one with the molecules
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
