What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
