Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
