the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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