He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
