I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
