apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
