woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
