GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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