She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
