dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize