my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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