im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
