new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
