I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
