no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
