So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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