the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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