so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
