I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
