I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
