hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
