...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize