I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
