so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
