I'm so fucking centered right now
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
