I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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