You just made me feel so damn special
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
