I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
