dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
