I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
