i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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