Your face is a jimmy john
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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