I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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