I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize