i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
