Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
