everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
