dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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