New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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