matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
